The roads I have taken (and the people I met along the way).

Have you ever had one of those days where you get lost in a daydream (or in my case, it was all the wild thinking before I fall asleep) and you start reminiscing about your past self?

A few nights ago I was trying hard to fall asleep when suddenly I was reminded of my life a few years back.

A few people came to mind. People who are still in my life, people that I felt disconnected and a few particular ones that I feel maybe intentionally distanced themselves away from me.

In 2019, I pivoted from my freelance writing career to running a business. I’ll just call it the exponent model, where you rely a lot on building influence, relationships and networks to build your business.

I was not sure why I pivoted. Perhaps it was a burnout, perhaps it was my toxic trait of getting bored of things fast and the constant desire of wanting to try new things. Perhaps it was simply wanting to build a stronger financial independence. Or just me wanting to challenge myself?

Either way, I went in and I dived deep.

I changed a lot. For a mom who just had her 3rd baby, my current self is quite impressed with my drive and determination. I made time to learn, and did whatever I needed to do to make things work, including ferrying my children with me whenever there was a workshop or a class/seminar that I needed to attend to “grow myself”.

Again, my current self has to acknowledge my trait of giving 100 per cent once I have a goal set for myself. I worked hard to achieve it.

Amid the adventure, I met a lot of people. In a people business, that’s what happens. You build a network and reconnect with friends and acquaintances. Made time to nurture relationships and build trust. You give your commitment, and go the extra mile to make customers happy. I was driving around almost every day with my baby in tow. Visiting corporate offices with a stroller and attending conventions while nursing my baby.

All while running the home and managing the day-to-day chores of being a mother. I did everything, and I did it with willpower.

It paid off beautifully, well at least for my short-term goals. My savings went up, and my earnings were what I had never earned before even during my stint in corporate and doing full-time freelance writing.

It was a rewarding experience, and I had a whole community of entrepreneurs who supported me and cheered me on. I had wonderful mentors, many are also a lot younger than me but with a whole lot more experience comparatively. It was the learning part that I enjoyed the most. I learned to discover myself, my strengths, my limits and my priorities.

I am so thankful for the people around me who supported me too. I used a lot of social media to campaign and share information. Every day I had goals to achieve, just like any other businesswoman who is working hard to grow her business.

I have families and friends who supported me in a heartbeat. Friends who were willing to lend an ear while I talked about my stuff, some bought from me, and some did not. Some repeatedly came back for more because it worked and made them happy. Some strangers became friends too, whom I connected with via a friend of a friend.

Some were just happy to have me in their home, served me delicious food and spent time chatting to me about their lives and concerns. I lent my ears and shared my knowledge and time with them in return.

There were also reluctant ones, questioning ones. People whom I supported when they needed me, but never reciprocated when it was my time. I could have let myself be bitter about it, but the good thing about being in this kind of business is that it teaches you to focus on the healthier, more productive things. And so I learned to accept that it is just part of the journey and I learned to make my peace with it.

A few years into it, I find myself arriving at another crossroads. If there is one thing that is super important in this business, is endless perseverance. And a wholehearted belief that you will eventually make it. I kept on questioning myself — was I really into it to make it BIG, or was it after all just another dabble?

I was burning out and to be honest, it was exhausting. This is where I began to not fit in the picture anymore. Some days I found myself longing for more time and I kept going back to my creative work for escape and solace.

Writing and crafting were calling me again. My creative persona started to rebel and those “rules” of the new game were starting to suffocate her. I had a few episodes of anxiety attacks and it started to take a toll on my mental health.

I braved myself and re-evaluated my priorities. I knew that it was time to step out of the game. Coincidentally it happened with a major family move overseas, and so I took the chance to start anew.

Do I regret my decisions?

Honestly, no.

Do I regret delving myself into it and “wasting” a few years of my life?

Also no. It was never a waste.

Looking back it was perhaps the path that I had to take to arrive to where I am today. Everything happens for a reason, and I believe that this is just another chapter of my unfolding life story.

Oh and about those “distanced” people that I mentioned earlier in this story, I guess this is me having closure and accepting that it is also a part of my life journey.

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